Historical Proof of ABBA's Rejection of "Genetic Test"

NOTE (8/29/08): THE FOLLOWING IS NOT TRUE!

My dear fans and friends:

Below is the authentic handwritten letter (reproduced here in the exact font most similar to Björn's very own handwriting) written to me several years ago from when ABBA collectively rejected "Genetic Test" (after having accepted so many of the other songs I had written them)!

Please do realize that had the band accepted this one song, Mamma Mia! would have had so much of a better and more sensible plot!

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7 October 1973

Dear Jonah,

Say you forgive my errors in English in this letter. Writing from one Swede to another, there really should be no reason that you and I speak of business in English rather than Swedish, but I also do not know why we bother singing in English to begin with. Anyway, no time for crying about the Anglo-Saxon hegemonic state of the music business. Let's get started with my letter to the rock and roll band—namely yours, JMJM*.

Thank you for the music—for giving it to me. Benny "and the Jets" Andersson (that's what we call Benny nowadays) and I really like the melody for this song: not too many notes and not too musical either. And like you did before for our other songs, you arranged the song's ending such that it fades out. (I know Benny "and the Jets" Andersson didn't mind it, but I am offended when you write us up-tempo songs in Major keys that end with cadences rather than fade-outs; I can't stop myself from crying out loud whenever we go into the studio and try to record that "Boomerang" song you wrote us as I am so uncomfortable with the ending.)

Unfortunately, there is something different or in a way unique about this song. It's nothing special; in fact, it's a bit of a bore. And the song is funny but has no sense within the lyrics—that is to say, the lyrics make no sense. I really tried to make it out. I wish I understood. But, perhaps this could be none other than the final song in an incoherent musical about a young girl who needs to find out who her father is exactly. But that would be silly, for anybody could be that guy! Neither Benny "and the Jets" Andersson nor I have any use for a song of this type. If all history goes well, there never should be a need for such a song.

But, don't go wasting your emotion. I am not mad at you at all. Neither you nor I'm too blame when all is said and done. This "Genetic Test" song is neither a product of your adept craftsmanship as a songwriter nor our sincerest plagiarism as performers. It's time to forget this song, and I forgive you immediately for the best. This song you have sent me shall be known throughout Sweden and the hegemonic Euro-American world of pop music as "The Missing ABBA Song" if ever asked about.

Hasta manana,
Björn Ulvaeus

On behalf of myself, Benny "Hans Christian" Andersson**, Agnetha Fältskog and Anni-Frid Lyngstad

*Do send my best to Michal, Jessie, and Mike. I do also hope you change your names to form an acronym that will be found more euphonic and easier on the tongues and ears to the rest of the English-speaking world.

**Since beginning this letter, we have changed his nickname back to the old one.